A Discussion on SF "Dangai Banjare" at IndianSF Group Part-3

Reema Sarwal
Swapnil ji,
The author's work is to produce a text, not to explain it. A text is its own explanation. We should refrain from these kinds of requests, which can be made in this case simply because we happen to know the author.
There is no stereotypical portrayal of the authorities in the story. I personally know of at least one incident when 20 unarmed Santhals, including a pregnant woman and a five-year old boy, were gunned down to their deaths by the police because of one dead landowner. There is no doubt that the value of the life of all citizens is never equal.
On a lighter note, you've certainly given a very interesting definition of the word factory. From now on, I plan to say that I'm going to "hamaari apni" factory whenever I step into the kitchen-- sounds so nice and grand and rich!
……….
Yes sure! Please translate it...then people will not have to read a google-translated version of it and Tinkoo ji can host it on his site!!

Swapnil Arnie
{The author's work is to produce a text, not to explain it. A text is its own explanation.}

If a text demands more questions than it answers then it means the author has failed some where. The group is for discussion, and if a story is being shared here that means we can take pains and review it. If there are some explanations needed the author should give out. When I submit my stories to the editorial panel, I am always face with queries if they have any. And I must address those. We in publishing call it "Peer-Review".

The text here was not an explanation in its own. Just that there is a painting by picasso is self explanatory doesn't mean that any one can draw anything on canvas and say hey you conclude your own meaning.
{We should refrain from these kinds of requests, which can be made in this case simply because we happen to know the author.}
The primary purpose of the group is discussion. I see no harm in discussing as story as much as there was no hard in discussing a non SF movie on the forum. If discussion is refrained the group will lose its purpose and there will remain no point in someone sharing story here.
{There is no stereotypical portrayal of the authorities in the story. I personally know of at least one incident when 20 unarmed Santhals, including a pregnant woman and a five-year old boy, were gunned down to their deaths by the police because of one dead landowner.}
The portrayal of police was cliche. The dialog itself says that. e.
There is no doubt that the value of the life of all citizens is never equal.
{On a lighter note, you've certainly given a very interesting definition of the word factory. From now on, I plan to say that I'm going to "hamaari apni" factory whenever I step into the kitchen-- sounds so nice and grand and rich!}
It good that you found some fun there. I meant it to be funny. But, it was not that 'grand and rich'. Don't make it that large, settle for something less.

Bimal Srivastava
I may be permitted to give my observations on one point of Shri Swapnil Bhartiya (Which of course is from my professional field i.e. Aviation) ; "An unknown plane enters India from west, travels half way through the country's interior, delivers arms to terrorists in Purulia, travels other half & exits through east! Without authorities knowledge!"
No, That is not the fact. The movement and the flight plans of the aeroplane were very well known to the authorities. Rather as per the requirement, the air company had already obtained necessary written permission in advance from the Director General of Civil Aviation (DGCA India), to halt at Varanasi on its way to Kolkata from Delhi for a scheduled maintenance purpose. Unfortunately the actual intensions were not known, and the crew took undue advantage of the flight by illegally dropping arms at Purulia. I may also mention that it is a routine practice to allow Civil Flights across the country while flying from one country to other, which is known as Non Schedule Permit.

Swapnil Arnie
Thanks Bimal sir, Tinkoo ji please take notice. Sir has addressed the question raised by you.

Reema Sarwal
Swapnil ji,
I'm sorry I did not realise that the story is being shared for peer-review. All your questions and suggestions would then be seen in a very different light and I'm sure would be much appreciated by Zeashan ji. I was taking the story as a completed text being offered for comments and reactions. I am not competent or qualified to peer-review fiction.
Yes, the forum is for encouraging discussion. Again, I thought the story is done and so questioning the author about his intentions is not desirable.
Indian SF is what it is and should be portrayed as such. But if the purpose is to showcase the best of contemporary Indian SF, then a large no. of stories would have to be read before making the decisions and I have read very little Indian sf to comment on this issue.
You needn't be afraid of the reactions; every writer has to handle criticism and compliments for their work and learn from them. Also, rest assured, Indian sf won't get a bad name, if that's what you're afraid of. So translate it if you wish to, with the author's permission. I for one would certainly like to see how it looks in English.
-reema.

Tinkoo
Yes - thank you.
I still find it inexplicable that the SAME plane enters India again from east a few days later, crosses all of the country, & only when it is exiting near Bombay that Air Force takes notice! They force the plane to land in Bombay, & the crew of the plane manages to escape on landing by abandoning the plane! Am I the only one who sees idiots managing the whole screw up? Or at least an idiotic & irresponsible "system".
Even on the first run you just defended, what was to stop this plane from dropping a bomb on Benaras if it was carrying suicide squad instead of mere arms runners? What kind of confidence does it give about those managing the country's security?
For that matter, what action has been taken against the owners of the plane or those who sold these arms even post facto? None, as far as I know. They are foreigners, we are helpless babies unable to respond to attacks, ... - usual explanations.

Zeashan Zaidi
Dear Swapnil,
I think in any story there is no need to explain the things which are not directly related to story line, and it is not possible too in a short story, otherwise it may be boring and can deviate from its track. Many things in the story are self assumed and writer expects to his readers that they will understand through their commonsense.

Translation of the story is a good idea. After that we will find broader group for peer-review of the story.

Swapnil Arnie
ZZ
I quite agree with your statement that a lot of things are not possible in a short story. But, the biggest mistake we as a writer can do is assuming the readers know it. Especially in stories related to science and technology or suspense. This is your world, here you are the god and only you know the stuff. It is the story which communicates to the reader what is beneath the surface too.
In stories where a lot of explanation is required Short Story is not a good idea. Longer piece would do a better justice to the work.
But, I once again repeat: I appreciate and am amazed that you created the whole story in such a short time.

But if I do accept to translate the story, then I would suggest a lot of changes too, which may not be acceptable to you :-)
Dr. C.M.Nautiyal
Given the wide spectrum of type of readers of sci-fi, I have always thought if explanatory notes, wherever need is felt, is a feasible solution . A physicist may not understand the intricacy of genes, a life scientist of relativity and so on. This insertion of notes has a fear of hindering the smooth reading for those who understand but then they need not be deviated by the asterisc (*) if they have no difficulty. The explanation will be better as a box (only common in magazine, not books) or footnotes rather than annexure because turning over interrupt the flow.

Dr. Arvind Mishra
sf writers usually face this problem -a workable solution is to elaborate the points in the dailogues of the protagonists ! I have attempted it with some sucess ! Giving boxes etc does not fit in to the format of stories ! thanks for the views !

A translator should not attempt to alter the text of originl writing without the permission of the writer, So do not ever attempt to it !

Swapnil Arnie
{A translator should not attempt to alter the text of originl writing without the permission of the writer, So do not ever attempt to it !}
Well I am quite aware of that, that is the reason I asked Zeeshan. Coz in translation word we have a saying, "if ommision is crime, commision is sin."

Dr. C.M.Nautiyal
The tragedy is that the 'workable' solution doesn't always work! I don't mean it to become the childhood excercise when one sits with book in one hand and dictionary in another. But If the explanatory note is not appearing in the main text and the reader is informed that asteresik suggests looking up the footnote, if needed, it will not hinder the flow. It is one of the solutions and I would not be repelled by it in stories.

Vishwa Mohan Tiwari
Bimal jee
dhanyawaad.
This clarification was necessary as it portrays a dismal picure of Control of Indian air space.
Bimal Srivastava
Yes Tinkoo Ji. You are correct. If a civil cargo aircraft or even a normal passenger flight, which has got the permission to transit over the boundary of a neutral country like India (May not even land there), enroute to some other country, drops a bomb, or carries out a suicidal attack like 9/11 it is definitely a severe security lapse and of deep concern to all of us. But, I don't know, what could be the solution for that. Should they stop all foreign flights over the country, or make all transiting flights to compulsorily land in India, get the aircraft inspected by security agencies and then allowed to continue its journey. Even such steps cannot prevent a wicked pilot of an airliner to drop its aircraft over a crowded city or at any other place of vital importance. To come to a conclusion, I feel such exrta restrictions offer more hurdles and hardship to normal & innocent people, as a terrorist or person with polluted mind will always come out with some novel method. The only important thing is that one should not be slack (Rather should be extra vigil) while carrying out its normal security duties. At the same time I also feel that this is not the right forum for continuing such discussions, as we are perhaps deviation from the main topic of the beautiful story of Zeshan Ji.,

Vishwa Mohan Tiwari
Bimal jee You have done the right thing by explaining the situation.
Please do not restrict the discussion so long as it adds to our knowledge in the right environment and spirit.